


disconsolate

by hellohellothere



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, practice fight scene turned fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:54:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28098015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellohellothere/pseuds/hellohellothere
Summary: How could he continue as Hokage when all he did was lead his soldiers to their deaths?
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto
Kudos: 16





	disconsolate

The room was empty except for a single person. His bright blonde hair glowed under the shadows from stacks of paperwork on his desk. Naruto looked longingly outside at the night sky where he could see families walking on their way to dinner or ninjas leaving the Hokage tower where he was stuck to get a nice night of rest. It was painful looking outside every single day. 

His hat felt heavy on his head, almost like a shackle, but that was ridiculous. It was his dream to be the Hokage. The man everyone looked up to. 

But, Naruto hadn't been home in three weeks. 

Hinata had stopped bringing him lunch or reminding him to go back home, giving up after seeing his mountains of papers. She'd sigh disappointedly every time she entered his office. 

Naruto hadn't spoken to Boruto and Himawari in weeks. Boruto had barely spoken to him after he became Hokage, and these past few weeks, stopped speaking to him altogether. Himawari's eyes always lit up after Naruto came home, but he hadn't been home. Naruto hoped that Himawari's eyes would show that same excitement, but he couldn't expect her to after not showing up for weeks. 

Naruto sighed and looked up at the ceiling. 

"How has it come to this?" 

He called down his Anbu and sent them home. Naruto stood up, stretching. He heard something pop before his shoulders slumped. 

Naruto's sacrifice was nothing, however, compared to what he sent his shinobi out to do. All of their missions, some of them months long, brought them ever so close to dying every single time. Sometimes he'd see some of his ninja, limping into the village, or even rushed into the hospital. He'd watch his ninja walk into his office, listen to their reports, and watch them hand him that black scroll. Both Naruto and the team in front of him barely holding their composures. Naruto's friends and family were alive and well. Yes, he might not see them often, but at least he knew that he could if he was freed from his paperwork.

How could he feel so ungrateful for what he had? 

Naruto shook in annoyance as he'd spent way too much time reflecting about his feelings rather than getting through the work he had to finish. One of his Anbu signaled him before leaving, asking if Naruto was okay after seeing her Hokage frozen pen paused in the air compared to the normal almost frantic pace of writing. 

"Don't worry about me, Tora-san~ I'll be fine. Get back to your daughter! I bet Mira-chan is waiting for you." 

The Anbu hesitated for a moment before she shunshined out of the office leaving only some smoke behind. Naruto was truly alone. 

Now, the sun was coming up. The back of his stacks of paper were tinted pink by the rising sun. Naruto got up and stretched again before sitting back down. He decided to go to the communal showers in the tower to go and get ready before the long day set in. Maybe he'd get a short nap in too! 

Naruto hummed happily as he walked through smiling at the early risers just getting in. His shower allowed him to relax as he massaged all the knots in his neck. Just as he was getting dressed, Naruto sensed a chakra signature that he knew like the back of his hand. 

Sasuke had come back to the village? Why? 

The blonde rushed to get dressed and ran to his office to see if it was really him. Well, unless Sasuke had completely transformed into someone else, the ravenette standing before him was his best friend.  
Naruto wrapped his arms around Sasuke, squeezing him in his back breaking hug. "Sasuke! When did you arrive?" 

"Just now, obviously. You can sense me when I arrive Usuratonkachi." Sasuke said sarcastically, but his eyes were concerned as he glanced over the blonde. 

Sasuke had been out of the village for a couple months only sending letters back and forth with Sakura and Sarada. Sasuke sent a couple missives to Naruto letting him know about bandits and any enemy ninja in the area, but something was off in Naruto's replies. The ravenette wasn't initially worried, only thought Naruto had become a little busy with work. Just in case, he asked Sakura to check up on their teammate. However, when Sakura had checked on Naruto, she was informed by Naruto's very concerned Anbu that their Hokage-sama hadn't stepped out of the office to even go visit his family in weeks. Even Sasuke messaged his wife and daughter twice a week or more. He sent a message to Hinata and Shikamaru to figure out the situation before making plans to check up on Naruto himself. 

Hinata had been frustrated and anxious for the past month as she worried about her idiot husband. She had tried to reach out to the blonde, but Naruto had been caught up in his typical obsession with productivity and "leaving no time to waste!" 

Shikamaru had barely been able to get Naruto to sleep for a couple hours each day. As Sasuke got closer to the village, Shikamaru let Sasuke know that he thought Naruto had been taking one of the missions that went badly really close to heart. 

Sasuke understood. He let Sakura and Sarada know that he was coming home and gave a heads up to Hinata about what was about to go down, so she'd be able to come and support her husband in the aftermath.  
Hinata was the woman Naruto loved, but he and Naruto could always get through to each other. 

Naruto cocked his head at Sasuke and asked, "What's with that look on your face, Teme? Is there something wrong?" 

Sasuke paused for a moment, hesitatingly a little to consider the property damage that was about to ensue. Well, a little bit of chipped paint will just be another mission for the small genin. 

The ravenette looked up and smirked at the blond before replying, "Yeah. Your face." 

Naruto's eyes widened before he understood what Sasuke was trying to do. He ran a hand over his face. 

"I can't do that anymore Sasuke." 

Sasuke's expression only firmed. 

"Why Dobe?" 

Naruto's frustration had been building up to that point. He had just been fed up, but with Sasuke insulting him even if it was just a playground insult, questioning him, his Anbu doubting him, his loneliness, and his soldiers dying under his command, Naruto blew up. 

Naruto moved across the office to strike at Sasuke trying to punch that smug smirk off of his face. Naruto frowned after landing across from him as Sasuke dodged. He fell for Sasuke's bait. No matter, he'd beat the shit out of Sasuke for that too. 

Sasuke ran out of the tower with Naruto following him. Sasuke wanted to move out of the way of the civilians, so that there'd be the least amount of collateral damage. Naruto would be able to finally let loose and hopefully Sasuke would be able to break down the walls Naruto had held so closely around him for the past month. 

The ravenette unsealed his sword grasping at it with his right hand, well his only hand, before launching at Naruto. He swung down just at Naruto met Sasuke with a rasengan aimed to his gut. Sasuke spun out of the way, his rinnegan just briefly visible to Naruto from underneath his dark fringe. 

Naruto ran back up to Sasuke and jumped up to land a kick on Sasuke's head. Why couldn't he land a hit, dattebayo! 

Sasuke reached up and grabbed the blonde's leg before pulling the leg back and hurling him across the field. The ravennette started to gather lightning chakra in his hand. Sasuke never needed hand signs. As the best lightning chakra user, he prided himself taking only mere seconds to prepare a technique in the palm of his hand. The lightning chakra ran up and down Sasuke's body, small current shocking out around him. An almost cloak of chakra surrounded him, and he prepared to charge at Naruto. 

Naruto chuckled as he saw Sasuke. 

"So, that's the way you want to go about it, huh, Teme?" 

If any other person saw Sasuke right now, they probably would be praying to Kami-sama for mercy. Naruto simply felt nostalgic thinking back to their final battle. He quickly went down to his mindscape because he needed to ask for permission before beginning his return attack. 

"Can I use it, Kurama?" 

The fox didn't even turn around to acknowledge the question. Naruto had proved himself worthy of Kurama's power. 

But, of course, Kurama answered Naruto anyway, "Did you even have to ask, kit? It's always an open offer." 

Naruto grinned before coating himself in the golden chakra. His hand built up the chakra for the rasen-shuriken as he stood still to get himself into Sage Mode. It took a second, but then Naruto's eyes flashed a fierce golden instead of the determined blue Sasuke was used to seeing. 

Well, guess they both were going all out, then huh. 

They resorted to pure taijutsu as they got closer to each other because they weren’t trying to kill each other, just spar. Both landing solid kicks; Naruto’s right hook glancing Sasuke’s cheekbone.

“I’m gonna wipe that smug smirk off of your face, you bastard!” 

Sasuke decided that he'd had enough of Naruto targeting his face and decided to finish this spar as it'd been dragged out for long enough. 

He brought the lightning chakra down from his body, striking the ground near Naruto's feet. Naruto flicked backwards before launching towards Sasuke after the lightning chakra's assault on the ground relented. He brought his Rasengan to where he knew Sasuke was going to meet him with his Chidori. 

Their fists met. 

Both of their chakras resonated before fading away, neither wanting to cause the other actual harm. 

Naruto felt more relaxed and exhausted than he had in weeks. He had been so wired up due to all of his pent up frustration, anxiety, and relentless guilt. The blonde finally realized that he couldn't stand so tall forever. Naruto needed to fall soon, but he trusted Sasuke and Hinata to catch him. 

Naruto staggered forward before Sasuke wrapped his arms around his back and assisted him to their onlookers on the side of the field. Hinata took Naruto from Sasuke's arm and wrapped him up in a warm hug, looking relieved as she saw her husband acting more like himself rather than the grave stressed out Hokage he turned himself into. Naruto buried himself into his wife's shoulder. Her purple sweatshirt dampened a little, but Hinata just rubbed her husband's back as they faced away from their children. 

Boruto, Himawari, and Sarada just stood in shock, still facing the training field with their jaws dropped and their eyes opened up wide. They had never seen their fathers spar before. No wonder they never had. The show of control and power on display was insane! Boruto totally needed to convince Sasuke-san to show him more techniques. If he could learn those things, he could definitely get closer to beating his pops. Sarada had stars in her eyes. Two out of the three people she looked up to the most were so incredibly strong. Her father looked so cool as he sparred with Hokage-sama in front of them! The jutsu that Hokage-sama had almost launched at her father was such an amazing feat of ninjutsu. She couldn't wait to pick her mother's brain about it. Himawari was in awe of the power just like her fellow little children, but she was glad that her Tou-san had shown emotion after acting like such a robot for the past couple of weeks. 

Sakura turned the children away from their parents to give Naruto a little space to recover. 

"Minna-san! How about we go get a snack or something, ne? It was a long spar, so let's get something to recharge. Shannaro!" 

Sasuke walked out of the clearing with her as he and Sakura herded the children to both of the families' favorite tea shop. 

With their children and friends gone, Hinata gently brought Naruto up to look at her face to face. She raised her hand up to brush away the tears tracks on his whiskered cheeks. Hinata's forgiving treatment only made Naruto's blue eyes well up even more. He fell to his knees, unable to stand, as the guiltiness that he had felt and the responsibility that he had came crashing down. Hinata kneeled right next him, a warm presence waiting out the wave of tears. 

She was such a bright light compared to her shitty husband, but Naruto couldn't look away from her. He shouldn't even be near her, but he was always drawn to her. 

Naruto roughly asked his question, his voice made gravelly by his sobs, "Why are you here? You know what I've done as Hokage right? This Hokage-sama is not actually the great person you might make me out to be, I'm actually a fraud. I can't protect our village. All I'm doing is some lousy desk job, while my ninja are dying. They're dying. Some might come in wounds, others in black scrolls to be given back to their families to perform funeral rites. How can I continue when I haven’t done anything to change this Hinata? Why should I even continue being Hokage?" 

He looked at her like she had all the answers. Hinata did. She made her own decisions as the head of the Hunter-nin Division in Anbu. Each order might come from her husband, but she was the one that personally assigned and met with each team that was sent out. She checked their qualifications and processed each request. 

There were challenges from both of their responsibilities even though her position never isolated her from her family. 

She brought her hand to his chin and said, "All you can do is fight better tomorrow. You can't just work for other people, burn yourself out and still expect yourself to work for your ninja and protect them effectively? Naruto, you need to take breaks. It's healthy. No one will die on your watch, and don't forget, it's also not just your watch. Don't forget that Shikamaru is your assistant, and you trust him to do his job. So, let him do it. Finally, it's not your fault my dear husband." 

Naruto's breath catched as he heard that rare endearment. 

"Do you really think I would pick a man who wasn't dedicated, strong, and worked the hardest so that he made sure his ninja would come home safe? Not only that, you worked before and after everyone else in the tower. Naruto, you work so hard. What happened that day was not your fault. Shikamaru gave me clearance for that mission, and I read the report. I know you did too, and I know that logic isn't working right now. But, you weren't at fault for that. It was simply bad luck. You gave them accurate intel and ensured they were strong enough for the expected conflicts in the mission. Naruto, I know it'll take longer. It isn't your first, and it certainly won't be your last, but I'm here." 

Naruto just stared at his beautiful, strong, and intelligent wife. His blue eyes became a little less clouded with guilt. Hinata knew that it'd take more time, but at least this was the first step. Naruto felt warm as he relaxed into his wife's hold. Her arms held him steady as he was drowning in his thoughts, but she also knew how to wake him up from his delusions. 

She brought them both up after they sat together for a while in the clearing. The sun started casting longer shadows on them. Hinata brought his head down and kissed his forehead before grabbing his hand and leading him to the shop where their children were. His cheeks warmed at the affectionate gesture. It was silly to feel so shy after years of being married to his wife, but she still seemed too good to be true. Naruto and Sasuke had a relationship where they truly were brothers and could draw things out of each other that no one else could, but Hinata knew him the best. 

He could be grateful for what he had without feeling guilty for what others didn't, but that feeling didn't go away. It just was less present. At least it had subsided enough so that Naruto could shake off the blues and clear his head. 

With his pink cheeks and red rimmed eyes, Naruto intertwined Hinata's hand with his own as they walked to the tea shop.

**Author's Note:**

> i was just trying to practice writing fight scene my dudes, and then i was like huh how do i open this up? ANGST! and i made it sad, but i hope you enjoyed regardless!


End file.
